Wednesday, February 3, 2016

The Reset Button

Disclaimer. I wrote about half of this about a week into the semester and now its a month into the semester so if the first half is weird sorry, i didnt go back to reread it before adding on. haha

You know that feeling that you get when you press reset on a device, then you press it like 5 more times just to make sure it really reset and you can start from scratch? I feel like someone found that button up in heaven and did just that as I came home from my mission.

Being home was great. I was surrounded by friends and family for a great time during the holidays. I had a great Christmas with my family and 3 days later left for Provo. Although I love being home there is a huge part of me that is still in Argentina. I'd venture to say that it is the better part of me. Learning a different language and having to speak ONLY that language was a challenge but also gave me the amazing opportunity to create a "new me." I changed things in my personality and I really felt like that representative of Jesus Christ that missionaries are. I felt different. I miss being that person. A person whose sole job is to express the savior's love for everyone, everyday. When I was released I didn't feel that "lift" of the calling off my shoulders. I think that it is partially because once I set foot on american soil again and started speaking english, that person had already partially left me. That gives me this dilemma: how do I pull out all that I learned in an amazing year and a half life changing mission and apply that to my normal english self? Its quite an interesting one.

Change #2: Transferring to BYU has been... well.... yeah. No words. Haha I didnt particularly want to transfer to BYU provo, but as it says in first Nephi, I will go and do. So now I'm here. After a month here I can say that I really love it. Grand blessings come when we obey. I can truly testify of that. The Lord has blessed me in a thousand ways since i've gotten here and thanks to some of my favorite people in the world, i have not only survived my first month here but really enjoyed it (though Rexburg will always have a special place in my heart).

One of the greatest blessings i have received is the theatre department here. I was able to transfer over with no problems and jump right into the program, thanks to the help of some great professors. It has really been able to keep me busy and doing the things I love. In my stage management class for this semester we have spent quite a bit of time talking about our strengths and to do so took a "strengths finder test" (look it up its pretty cool). After feeling pretty self conscious about some of my results (even though they were accurate), I have been trying to find ways to make them true strengths because in my head I don't think theyre completely good attributes. It has been interesting to reflect and focus on trying to become a better person, like i did on the mission, but this time without a calling and protection. Its still a work in progress (and a difficult one at that) but once a missionary in the field explained this to me. She wondered why on the mission we feel so bad about ourselves when we should be the best form of ourselves as a missionary, when one day it dawned on her. As we become closer and closer to Christ, even our smallest faults start to seem enlarged because he wants us to continue to progress. One of the biggest things I learned on my mission was that we need to let him show us and mold us and we do this by acting on promptings and trusting in the lord, which is easier said than done. But i know in the end that no matter what it is worth it, no matter how hard. It is amazing what the lord can make out of us and do in our lives if we trust him.

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